I had a great day today for a change....

Well, today I woke up and got to babysit the Gabester! Gosh, he is so fun. We walked over to the city to pay our water bill. I taught him how to throw helicopters up in the sky...you know those things from the trees that when you throw them up and they twirl down to the ground, just like a helicopter? We drove over to see Grandpa Jim and chat, then we stopped at Nebco, bought a chocolate milk and a diet pepsi and went home and watched Nick Jr.

We also had outdoor time and played and wrestled on the grass because it was so warm. Then we fixed a sandwich and watched some more Nick Jr. I was wiped out and I think I am ready for bed. I tried to sneak a nappy in today but Katie came home for a few hours and we had to talk and eat some ice cream. She is working at Old Navy and drives there then goes back to school. This will only be for a few more weeks.

Dad is doing pretty good too. He is on oxygen all the time, which is helping his confusion. They are working with him on physical therapy a lot and he might be coming home for Thanksgiving. Cross your fingers everyone! That's the goal.

Andy flew into town last week and we got some decisions made about Dad and what is going to happen. Not a happy time that was. But needed to be done.

But life goes on and the sun comes out every day and I love a lot of people out there!

I'm so sad :(

Today has been a hard day. This week has been a week from hell, but today was the frosting on the cake.

Dad was released from the hospital on Thursday and went to a rehab center to get some therapy for his shoulder. He will be there for a bit, which is good and bad. Good that he is being taken care of and kept safe. Bad, because he hates it there and cries to go home. I can't handle that. My heart broke today when I hugged him and he sobbed on my shoulder, "I want to go home." I have to wonder if it will get easier.

The blessing is that I am available to be at his side every day if needed. I couldn't do that before, but now I can, and there hasn't been one second that I have regretted my decision to not work. I am where I am supposed to be right now and I know that someone is watching over me and making things work out just right. I only have one dad and one family. I need to be there for them.

Charity--the pure love of Christ

For the longest time, I never really knew what "charity" meant. I thought one day, I'm going to look it up and do some research. The pure love of Christ. How I wish I had that in my heart. I don't and I feel it will be a long time before I will have it.

Last weekend, Kate and I were driving doing errands. We were talking and I was expressing how much hatred I feel in my heart for certain people. I don't use the word hate very often because I feel it is a strong word, but I have actually felt it lately and it bothers me. I said something to the effect of "I wish I didn't hate so much." In her 18 year old wisdom, she looked at me and said, "it will come Mom. Give it time." Thank you sweetheart. I needed to hear your wisdom right then.

Every day we come in contact with people. It is our choice whether to bring them into our circle or to exclude them. I am grateful for my circle. I am grateful for those friends of mine who I choose to keep in my circle. Be wise who you let in. There are those who will deceive you and will betray you like Judas.

I have all that I need in my life and I am grateful for every one in it. You all need to know how very much I love each of you and appreciate your support.

My Cup Runneth Over....

Just when I think how great life is, it gets better. Really! I am so amazed at the goodness in my life lately.

Robbie and Brandee are going to have another baby. That means that in June I will be a grandma again, and then in July, I am going to be a grandma again too! Is life the best?

Things are in perspective right now in my life. Family....that's all that matters. Family is everything. Friday night, my dad came up missing again. This time he was on foot and was missing for 4 hours. The police found him in West Bountiful, after he knocked on someone's door and told them he was confused and lost. That is sad.

They brought him home, but he was injured. He had fallen and was bruised up a bit. After a long night in the emergency room, he was admitted with a broken shoulder, pneumonia and a urine infection. He is in the hospital, on IV's and learning how to do things with his right arm. He's a leftie you know.

Wow, it is hard to describe how hard it is to see your dad, lay there helpless in the hospital, asking you over and over again, "how did I get here?"

A little piece of your heart breaks each time he asks that. For somewhere down deep, you just wish he would be the same "dad" you grew up with. The big, tough guy who could do anything and would do anything for anybody. I love that man so much. He is probably my first hero.

Sundays....

I know, I know. But I just got back from church. There has been so much on my mind this past week, plus a death. I just needed to talk about sitting in church and being spiritually fed. It was good!!

First, a scripture that hit me hard...Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? What kind of fruit will they know you by? I pondered that today. I know a few people that I know what kind of fruit they gather and it's nothing but thorns. I feel sorrow for them on the day of their funeral, because no one will be there and no nice words spoken.

No matter how bad or unfair people treat me, I will still be loved by the most important people and by my Heavenly Father and my Savior.

Another scripture that I have relied on this week is...

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

It never ceases to amaze me that no matter how much I am hurting or how much I seem to dump on the Lord, He is always there for me. Always. How can I repay Him for that blessing? By doing everything I possibly can to make sure I return to live with him.

My Katie Bug

I miss her! So, so much.

I drove up to Logan today to spend the day with Kate. She hasn't been home for 2 weeks going on 3. I just had to have my Katie fix, I guess. We had a great day. I got there, we chilled for a bit, got caught up on the latest happenings in our lives. Then we decided to go to WalMart and get Leisa a birthday cake cause it's her birthday today.

We got her a gift card too. Then we went back to their apartment and got Leisa. We decided to celebrate her birthday by going to Olive Garden, we were so hungry. Yum Yum Yum! After about 3 or 4 ravioli's and 3 or 4 breadsticks, we were full. The girls took all the leftovers home with them to eat for Sunday dinner today.

My boys tease me that Katie is too attached (literally) to me. But we decided we don't care. We don't care one little bit. If the truth were told, I miss all my kido's. I wish they could all live with me forever and we could hang out. They are my best friends. They are who I trust no matter what. I know they have my back. The greatest thing I have ever done in my life is to have my babies. They are the reason I was born.

And if I can spend a couple more months or years with Katie before she finds her true love, I will take it and treasure it. It all goes by way too fast.

Happy Halloween!! For some reason, I love Halloween. I know some people think it's a stupid holiday and Ron absolutely hates it. But I love it! I can't figure out why but it just makes me happy. I love the fall, I love caramel apples, pumpkin sugar cookies, all the things that come with the day.

This year, Gabe is going to be Elmo. He is the cutest Elmo ever. It took him a while to warm up to the idea of wearing a costume, but he seemed to understand that you can take it off and on. Now he wears it with pride and carries his Darth Vader candy bucket. My heart takes a picture I will remember forever.

I think back to past Halloweens and the costumes we have come up with. Pirates, clowns, angels, magicians and skeletons. They all have been so fun. Nowadays, the stores have made cute and warm costumes. Good idea!

Next Halloween, I will have two babies. Gabe and Little Bean Johnston. That will be the best!

Little tiny thing....

Today was a good day. I went with Ellie and Cam to their first ultrasound. How incredible that was! Wow to see that little tiny heart beating and she is only 6 weeks along. It is truly a miracle. One that never ceases to amaze me.

They figured her/him's due date is June 21. Right close to Grandma Chay's and Katie's. I think that is a good thing. I can hardly wait.

Again, I am blessed.

Guess Freaking What!!!

I am going to be a grandma again! Yes, I am so excited beyond belief. My Cam and Ellie are going to be a dad and mom. Whoa! This is the bestest news I have had in a long time. Life is so great right now. I mean it. I can't remember the last time I have been this happy.

My own kids being born were pretty happy days. I remember the mornings I woke up, the day after having my babies, and it feeling like Christmas morning. You know that incredibly excited can't wait to wake up feeling. That's it.

Life can sometimes be unfair....but life, really what is it? Is it the job you go to everyday? No. Is it your relationship with your co-workers. No, because they stab you in the back every chance they get. Is it your family who calls you everyday to tell you what's going on in their life? Yes. Is it the greatest calling in the church, teaching the little kids to sing and listening to them? Yes, it makes me smile so big. Is it a hug from my dad, who is 76, and still remembers who I am? Yes. Is it phone calls from my brother and sister, who always tell me at the end of our conversation, "I love you." Yes. Is it my husband who is ready to do battle for me when someone treats me wrong? Yes. Truly I am blessed. Blessed beyond my wildest dreams.

And now my babies are having babies, and that is good. I went to the doctor today for some problems I am having with my heart I think, stress caused. Blood was taken, medicine prescribed and off work until the doctor says it's ok.

Life is amazing....

Thriller...

Tis the season. Katie and I have had a fun fun weekend. We stayed up late on Friday night, laughing at stupid things. Woke up early to snow!!!! Showered, got pretty, grabbed our Gabe and went shopping. Christmas stuff is out at JCPenney's! What happened to Halloween and Thanksgiving?

Oh well. We bought Gabe some clothes----warm clothes and warm jamies. Then we did some grocery shopping. Wow, it was a lot of stuff.

Then we went and kissed on Minnie.....Cam and Ellie's newest puppy. Then we raced home, changed clothes, got even more prettier (is that even possible?) and we went to see Thriller at Weber State. Katie has to see all these performances for a class of hers. Thriller counted and it was our first time. It was so so good. It was scary, but there were some funny things. Kate and I laughed a lot. We made a memory.

Now just chilling in my jamies, thinking about having a Wii tournament today with Mario Kart.

Wow am I bugged!

You know sometimes you just want to strangle someone. Yes, they have a name, but I can't say it on here! duh!! No family members guys, so don't stress ok?
Seriously, I have to ask myself this question all the time, who do they think they are? I mean, SERIOUSLY! They must think they are pretty much all that to think they can say and do whatever they please, come and go as they please. There is something said for putting your time in, paying your dues, you know all the cliches. Why when you are trying to live by the rules and do all the right things, someone can just walk right in, decide what they want and get it? It is most irritating. Am I rambling? Yes I am and guess what, I don't care.

How can people be so into themselves that they forget other people's feelings? Does that come from an inner insecurity they have with themselves, so they have to continually build themselves up in their own minds to validate who they are? I believe so. Insecurities are a worrisome monster. I guess I have my own insecurities, who doesn't right? But more than anything else, I try to consider other people's feeling and what they are going through.

I really hate that person who thinks their life if more important than mine. In their eyes, I'm sure it is, but really everyone has their own story, their own life that they think is first and foremost in importance. Isn't that called being selfish? I need to learn to be more selfish I guess. Ok, that works.

Things will be fine, I vented. I am feeling better and now a diet pepsi will help even more.

Letting them make their own decisions...

One of the hardest things I have had to learn as my children get older and that is once they turn 18, they can pretty much make their own decisions. It's harder than you think. You've been in "mommy" mode for so long, where you have control where they go, who they go with, what time they need to be home, and then all of a sudden--whoosh! They are 18 and on their own.

I remember when I was 18 and on my own, I didn't know what to do. You don't really want to ask your parent's advice, because aren't you supposed to be making your own decisions? But give me a break, you've never made ALL your decisions before.

There is no manual, there are no "how to" directions. It's just day by day. Each day you learn a little bit more and a little bit more. Will you ever know everything? I hope not. I hope we all will continue to learn. Will they ever stop needing mom's opinion? I hope not. But whatever decision my babies need to make, I hope they will think about it and think about the pros and cons of the decision. I hope they look at how it will benefit them, benefit others in their lives and if there are better options for them.

This weekend is good!!

I love this weekend. So far, it's been productive and relaxing. Friday night, we cut up the tree limbs from the backyard, piled them in a trailer for Grandpa Jim. Ron mowed "Gabe's Jungle" down and now Gracie needs to find a new hiding place for her leather glove. (That's a whole other story.)
Saturday, Robbie and Brandee, were over dump detail. I don't know how many trips they made to the dump, but it was a lot! We cleaned up the backyard, got rained on which was good! It was a great fall day. The dogs were outside playing fetch and loving every second of it. We ate some Subway Sandwiches for lunch.

Last night, Grandpa Ron and Grandma Julie babysat Gabe. It was fun. We had a "pajama party" as Gabe says, watched The Bee Movie and ate popcorn. That movie was really funny. Really, you guys need to watch it. Gabe fell asleep in the middle, but me and Grandpa finished watching it.

Cam and Ellie babysat too at their house. Katie....was probably sleeping, because that's all she does these days. She is our Sleeping Beauty. I talked to my dad last night and he knew me and told me he loved me. It was a great day!

General Conference this weekend tops it off as the perfect weekend. Staying in your comfy clothes on Sunday is the best. Brandee is cooking dinner and so I am being lazy and playing on the computer.

I hope you all had a great weekend.

Getting old

This week has been interesting. My dad came to stay with our family for a few days while his wife went out of town. My dad turned 76 last month and has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimers, which makes me sad. He recognizes everyone still and remembers things in the past, but it's his short term memory that he has troubles with.
Dad is and always has been my hero. I would just love to do things with him, no matter what. I remember when he would be outside practicing basketball with Andy and I would be sitting on the grass and remember wishing I was Andy. I would go with him on service calls and believe it or not I learned quite a bit.

Last week when he was here, we took him fishing. We didn't catch much, but my boys were impressed that I could cast a fishing pole. Something my dad taught me.

My dad has taught me many things. He taught me to love baseball. He loved baseball more than anyone I ever met. Whenever he talked about baseball, he would get a smile on his face.

My dad taught me to love ice cream. I love to eat ice cream. Dad didn't really have a favorite flavor that I know of, but he loved to eat it every night while we were growing up.

This getting old thing is different. But yet it's not a bad thing. I find myself liking to shop by myself and buying things for me instead of for my kids. I told Ron the other day, I can't remember the last time I bought myself 2 pairs of shoes, because the kids always came first.

It was hard taking care of my dad, but he took care of me for twenty years or more, so I guess I owe him a lot more than a few days of companionship. Thanks for the memories, Dad.

Happy Birthday to me!

Happy Birthday to me!!

Yes, it is my 50th birthday today! I am kinda excited for it. Not for the fact that I am 50, but I am proud of the person I am (except I need to be skinnier) and the things I have accomplished in my life. Raising three children....who have turned out to be the most awesome people I know. (Ron helped out a little with this).
Rob....works hard to provide for his family. His priorities are in the right place and that makes me proud. He likes to play the Wii with me!
Cam....has found the love of his life (which makes me so so happy). He calls me everyday, which I love. Not every 23 year old does that ya know.
Katie....is on the right track. She is being responsible and doing good in college. It is so important for her to get a college education, especially as a woman.

I always miss my mom on my birthday. I know she is wishing me happy birthday up in heaven, but it's just not the same. It's a mom thing I guess. She gave me life so she should be here to celebrate my life with me. I hate alcohol. It is evil.

I am not going to get a tattoo....that's just not me. I will save it for Cam.
I am not going to get drunk....bad memories. I can celebrate non-alcoholic.
I am not going to go skydiving. I am not there yet.
I think I will wait to go to Vegas for Ron's birthday.
I am not going to go to Yellowstone either....because I need to lead the music for those cute little kids in the Sacrament Meeting program next Sunday. They make me smile.

Basically, I am pretty happy with me. I definitely want to be thinner and in a year I hope I will be. I try to be a good person, a good mom and a good wife. I don't need to change who I am for this one day. I need to be true to who I am and the standards I have set for me! Not anyone else, just for me! I have a forever family....and one of these days, way far in the future I hope, I will celebrate my birthday with my mom.

Birthdays

Ok, so as some of you might know....I am turning 50 this Saturday. Fifty freaking years old. Wow is the only word that describes my thoughts on this birthday. Seriously, 50. Think about it. Ron says you "mid-life" at 50. I hope to h___ I don't live till I am 100. Seriously, 100. What can you do at 100? Lay there and think about when you turned 50.

Many thoughts have crossed my mind as the big one gets nearer. I want to do something "cool." These are my ideas.
1. Get a tattoo (Cam said he would pay for it.)
2. Get drunk on my butt (hmmmm, still thinking about that)
3. Go skydiving (Yikes!!!)
4. Go to Vegas and go to Thunder from Down Under
5. Go to Yellowstone and ponder life......That's it. That's my big plan.

Well, if anyone has any other ideas I am open for suggestions. Write me and we will vote on it.

Gabriel

Another thing that makes me smile is Gabe. Every day I find myself smiling for no other reason than I am remembering something cute Gabe said. Last night, I was talking to Katie on the phone. We were both in tears, as that sometimes happens (just cause we miss each other ok)! Gabe opens my door and says, "Grandma, come look at the baby." What! Babies! I love babies. As I walk out of my room, Gabe turns around and says, "Yook, Grandma, yook!" Spencer and Kristal came to visit us and brought their newest addition , Burton. He is two months old and he is a cutie!
I had to hold him, of course, because that's what grandmas do. I am formally announcing to each of my children....."HAVE MORE BABIES!!!"
In my head, I am reasoning that if one grandbaby (Gabe) makes me smile every day, a whole bunch of grandbabies would make me have a permanent smile on my face....all day long, every day. That would not be so bad, would it? (Ron would have to agree with this.)
But no pressure guys. I mean don't stress over it. When it happens, it happens. But I promise when it does, I will be the best grandma ever!

Enchanted Story

I have my favorite song on my page and I have to tell you why it makes me smile. During the last week of May, I was off work preparing for Operation Graduation. It was a week full of activities for Katie, and I used that time to organize graduation night because I was in charge of the food. It was great weather and I had the doors and windows open, enjoying the spring weather. When all of a sudden, a hummingbird flew "into" our house. Yikes! I wasn't scared of a hummingbird but concerned how to get it back "outside." I called my husband and asked him to check on the web and see how to get the hummingbird outside. He said to leave the door open and after it calmed down, it would find it's way out of the house.
So, here I am....in my bedroom, with all the dogs...whispering to them to be quiet so the hummingbird won't get scared by their barking. I am sure they understood me. Ellie calls me and I am whispering and she says, "why are you whispering?" I tell her I am hiding in the back room and that there's a hummingbird inside. I asked her if she knew how to get it outside. She said, "go to the window, put out your arm and start singing ah ah ahhhhh, like Giselle, and that it will come and land on my arm."
Guess what it didn't. Finally, Katie comes home and starts yelling, "MOM, DO YOU KNOW WE HAVE A HUMMINGBIRD IN OUR HOUSE!" Totally scaring the poor hummingbird all over again. But now we have me, Katie and the dogs hiding in the bedroom, whispering about the hummingbird.
Katie and I try our best to get the hummingbird out of the house, by grabbing brooms and trying to swoosh it outside. Nope, that didn't work either.
Ron comes home and does his magic. He guides it out the door and the little green hummingbird flies off to his home in the trees. Ah Ah Ahhhhhhhh!