Meltdown Time!

Ok, it's official. I hate Frontotemporal Dementia. I am going through the same thing I went through with the alcoholism. I hate alcohol.
Dad.....I'm just not ready. I'm not ready to let him go. I'm not ready to be parentless. I'm not ready to lose my hero. I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I need him still.
I guess I am going through one of those phases of loss. Anger! I am angry at life right now. No one can fix it. No one can kiss the owie. No one can make it go away.
My burden is too heavy to deal with right now. Yesterday was my "curl up in the fetal position" in my bed and cry. I want my dad to be normal again.
Seriously, I am so jealous of those people that have parents who are still active, physically and mentally. I want to go over to Dad's house and chat. I want to go watch a baseball game with him.

Does it matter what I want? I feel selfish. I'm sure Dad wants to be normal again too and enjoy those grandkids and great-grandkids he has. What a legacy Mom and Dad have left!

I have some great moments I have shared with my Dad. I was thinking last night as I was watching a MLB game, that me and Dad saw Mark McGuire hit his 500 home run as we sat in the St. Louis ball park, eating hot dogs and junk food.
Me and Dad stood together in Carthage Jail listening to "A Poor Wayfaring Man" with tears streaming down our faces. Me and Dad have been to the temple, knelt across the altar and sealed as a family.

Good times. I want more and I don't even care if I am being selfish. I want more Dad.

Guess what I get!

I gets me a granddaughter on Tuesday the 14th!

Yes!!!

Quote of the day:
The biggest biotch is Karma. Letting her do her job and it is SWEET!