Crap!

In my life, I have had to deal with CRAP.  Not feeling sorry for myself, but really, I have had my share of crapness.  Anyway, all that crap is over with now and I feel that I no longer need to take the "crazy meds".  Katie, my sweet daughter, decided she didn't want to be on crazy meds. She has inspired me.  I have begun the journey and the education to stop taking them. 


I have lots of thoughts about medicine.  The 90's seemed to me to be the time to pop medicine to make you better.  I believe that some medicine is good and some medicine is bad.  My thoughts go along with many who believe that the drug companies rule the country, which is why the high cost of medical care.  It is a vicious circle.  People go to doctors and the doctors prescribe pills. The drug companies love that.  If doctors didn't prescribe the pills, where would the drug companies be.  


Anyway, back to the crap.  I grew up in a dysfunctional family. Parents, grandparents drank their life away.  I thought that was "normal."  Wow....was I wrong.  I remember how much alcohol affected my life.  I would lay in bed on Christmas Eve when I believed in Santa, with such worry because I knew he wouldn't come to our house cause mom and dad were partying it up with their friends.  Imagine laying in bed as a small child, shaking and worrying about that.  My parents should be ashamed of themselves.  


I hate chocolate pudding because that's what I was eating when I was 10 and my mom decided to come down to the table and read a love letter she found my dad had written to another lady. Thanks for that mom.  Mom and Dad spent more time being silent to each other than being friendly.  Again, thank you. 


Growing up, I had to deal with the alcoholism getting worse every day.  Mom had seizures from not drinking, went to rehab, drank 2 days after getting out of rehab.  She finally died in 1996 from drinking herself to death.  Dad made it to sobriety.  He married a bunch of crazy women with crazy kids.  He was charged with sexual abuse of a child, found not guilty. Then began to show symptoms of dementia.  I dealt with that.  Dad died almost 2 years ago.  


Now, things are running smooth. (knock on wood).  After researching the need to go on crazy meds, I do not have any symptoms.  I ask myself, "why am I on them?"  So, after my sweet little girl is being brave, I decided to follow her example.  I am strong and don't feel the need anymore to have the crazy meds in my life.  


This is my journey. My plan is to cut dosage in half for 2 weeks.  Then again, cut dosage for another 2 weeks.   By that time, I hope to be stable.  I have heard the side effects can be difficult.  That is the reason for the decrease.   I don't want to do a "cold turkey" withdrawal, because of my family.  They will truly wonder what happened to Julie.  


Wish me luck!