Time to Breathe

Finally....I have some time to sit and do nothing. Life has been extremely hectic since the end of July to now. But now that I have some time, I will update my blog.

We made the decision to place my dad in a home for Alzheimer's/FTD in Bountiful. It was definitely not the easiest thing we have done. My stomach has not been the same since that day, and I have to wonder, if it will ever be the same. Each time I visit him, my heart strings are pulled every which way possible. I finally have to leave because I can't hold back the tears any longer. However, I know it is the right place for him and for his safety. Sometimes it just plain hurts.

FTD is a strange disease and not sure what we are to expect. But according to some wonderful forums and support groups, it is not going to get easier. I have to wonder if he will be here for the Christmas season. The tremors and rigidity are bad and get worse each time I see him. He sleeps all the time, yet he still knows I am his daughter and tells me how much he loves me. I am a lucky girl.

Dad was able to come to the reception for Ellie and Cam. He seemed to enjoy himself, ate an ice cream cone and visited with family and friends. He was very tired, though. On Sunday, he celebrated his 77th birthday. Again, I have been blessed to have him with me for that long. Mom died when she was 62 and it was way too early. She still needed to be a grandma to her grandkids! She still needed to be there for me to whine about things. I know she is playing with my grandbabies up in heaven and taking care of them until they get down here.

It's nice to finally relax, play with Gabe a little, snuggle with Dash and Layla. I have also found that I like to take naps now and again. It's a selfish pleasure. There hasn't been time to vacuum the furniture, finish up all the laundry at once or even read the paper.

Oh, and the most exciting thing of all, we grew a pumpkin! Can't wait for it to turn orange.

We sure did party!

We had a great time! Here's a few pictures for family to enjoy. Thanks to all for your support and love.

September = Fall = Leaves = Cool Weather = My Birthday

I totally hate August! It has to be the worst month of the whole year. It's the hottest, muggiest, dirtiest and just plain yukkiest month of the year. Nothing is pretty in August. The grass is going brown, the fields are going brown, the air is dirty and hot. There you go. But then there's September! Yummy, Yummy September. I love the fall, as do most other people. Fall is that time of year where the air smells good. The leaves are beautiful, the grasses don't need to be mowed as much. You can play outside without having heatstroke. I dig the fall!

The big day is almost here for Cam and Ellie. I can't believe how many things have been done. Invitations sent by the hundreds, pictures by the hundreds, tuxes, flowers, cake, fancy dresses, jewelry, rehearsal dinner, slide shows created (thanks Kate). And all on top of school starting. We got the classes, paid the tuition, paid the fees. I must say I have been a little stressed. But it's all good. Pretty soon it will be September!

It's been an eventful summer for us Johnston's! My babies are here and have stolen my heart. Dash is almost 3 months old. Layla is 6 weeks old. Gabe is going to pre-school. What a big boy!


New callings in the ward, new home for Grandpa Frank :( But we will get through it. The Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle right? And soon it will be September....

Grandma Julie again!!!!

Katie holding our newest angel, Layla!

Mom, Gabe and Layla

Gabe missed his mom so much...he just had to put stickers
on her arm.

Grandpa Ron...he is loving this!

Little Layla

Today at my desk I had to hold back the tears because I was thinking how incredible life is and how blessed we have been lately as a family. It was a fact that I was very tired after being at the hospital late last night, which made me teary, but I feel that my blessings just keep coming.
We have 3 grandchildren who are healthy and well taken care of. They are loved by so many people and will be cherished for the rest of their lives, if Grandma has anything to say about it.
Life is a great blessing. Families are the biggest blessing of all. I am thankful for both! I am truly enjoying the ride!

Meltdown Time!

Ok, it's official. I hate Frontotemporal Dementia. I am going through the same thing I went through with the alcoholism. I hate alcohol.
Dad.....I'm just not ready. I'm not ready to let him go. I'm not ready to be parentless. I'm not ready to lose my hero. I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I need him still.
I guess I am going through one of those phases of loss. Anger! I am angry at life right now. No one can fix it. No one can kiss the owie. No one can make it go away.
My burden is too heavy to deal with right now. Yesterday was my "curl up in the fetal position" in my bed and cry. I want my dad to be normal again.
Seriously, I am so jealous of those people that have parents who are still active, physically and mentally. I want to go over to Dad's house and chat. I want to go watch a baseball game with him.

Does it matter what I want? I feel selfish. I'm sure Dad wants to be normal again too and enjoy those grandkids and great-grandkids he has. What a legacy Mom and Dad have left!

I have some great moments I have shared with my Dad. I was thinking last night as I was watching a MLB game, that me and Dad saw Mark McGuire hit his 500 home run as we sat in the St. Louis ball park, eating hot dogs and junk food.
Me and Dad stood together in Carthage Jail listening to "A Poor Wayfaring Man" with tears streaming down our faces. Me and Dad have been to the temple, knelt across the altar and sealed as a family.

Good times. I want more and I don't even care if I am being selfish. I want more Dad.