Meltdown Time!

Ok, it's official. I hate Frontotemporal Dementia. I am going through the same thing I went through with the alcoholism. I hate alcohol.
Dad.....I'm just not ready. I'm not ready to let him go. I'm not ready to be parentless. I'm not ready to lose my hero. I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I need him still.
I guess I am going through one of those phases of loss. Anger! I am angry at life right now. No one can fix it. No one can kiss the owie. No one can make it go away.
My burden is too heavy to deal with right now. Yesterday was my "curl up in the fetal position" in my bed and cry. I want my dad to be normal again.
Seriously, I am so jealous of those people that have parents who are still active, physically and mentally. I want to go over to Dad's house and chat. I want to go watch a baseball game with him.

Does it matter what I want? I feel selfish. I'm sure Dad wants to be normal again too and enjoy those grandkids and great-grandkids he has. What a legacy Mom and Dad have left!

I have some great moments I have shared with my Dad. I was thinking last night as I was watching a MLB game, that me and Dad saw Mark McGuire hit his 500 home run as we sat in the St. Louis ball park, eating hot dogs and junk food.
Me and Dad stood together in Carthage Jail listening to "A Poor Wayfaring Man" with tears streaming down our faces. Me and Dad have been to the temple, knelt across the altar and sealed as a family.

Good times. I want more and I don't even care if I am being selfish. I want more Dad.

Guess what I get!

I gets me a granddaughter on Tuesday the 14th!

Yes!!!

Quote of the day:
The biggest biotch is Karma. Letting her do her job and it is SWEET!

I had the best day with you today!!!

We spent Katie's birthday day at the Gateway
in SLC and had so so much fun.

Gabe loved the fountains!

And got soaked!

Fun day!

This was water from the fountain, not rain.

Ok. She swears it is going to look cuter when her
hair is all done. You are beautiful no matter what!

Picking out Kung Fu Panda

Washing our hands at Bath and Body Works.

Hot Topic lady with blue hair. Gabe loved this store!

Kate...You are old enough to buy tobacco. But you better not or else I will have to spank you.
I can't believe you are 19. Wow...I know this sounds like a cliche, but the time has flown by. I treasure every moment and every memory I have with my kids. I am a rich person.
Thanks for the memories and for all the future memories I look forward to.

El Matador....it was yummers!

Gabe...and his tongue

Bro and sis

Cambo

A Day of Fun and Fathers!

My dad! I love you no matter what Dad!

Gosh, we love babies in our family!!

Grandpa Jim and Dash

Grandma Donna and Dash

Our Grandpa Jim (Robbie in the background, ummm)

He is holding Grandma's hand.

Kinda blurry...but what a cutie huh?

And my babes!

My first loves!

Fathers....

Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. I have a great dad and I have a great husband who is a great dad. I have 2 sons who are great dads. And let's not forget my great father in law! I love you all.

I love all the dads in my life. You guys rock my world. Rob and Cam--it touches my heart to see how much you love your little guys. Be good examples to them throughout your life. Little boys grow up to be dads. You are their teacher.

My dad was my teacher. He taught me many things I will always treasure. He loved me unconditionally.

Ron is a great father. He adores his kids and loves them more than ever. He has been to every school concert, dance recital, baseball game, soccer game, basketball game, whatever! He has coached the boys in baseball, taught them how to pitch and how to catch. He has done Katie's hair with 18 barrettes (which didn't match). He has been there for our kids and still is.

Happy Father's Day!